The End of an Era

I went to school with the same people for 12 years but that never felt as permanent as these last four have. College isn’t forever. I know that. But it felt like it.

I knew the day I would have to move out of 501 Statehouse Varsity would come but I didn’t realize it would be so quick. I have felt so many feelings in this apartment and I never thought sadness about leaving would be one of them. It felt so permanent for so long that now it feels like someone is taking something from me.

I have spent the last three years living with my best friends. We’ve been through crazy roommates, good roommates, wild football seasons, and life milestones that we will always remember. I’ve had three birthdays including my 21st here. I finished my Bachelor’s degree and started my Master’s degree here. Part of me wonders who I am if I don’t live here. I know an apartment complex isn’t your entire identity, but it sure feels like it as I am getting ready to move out.

Countless hours of movies and TV shows have been consumed. There’s almost always someone to talk to. You can barely eat a single meal alone in this place. There’s always movement (unless we’ve been out late and are sleeping in). We’ve been in and out of so many restaurants in town I don’t want to go without my friends now because those feel like our places.

I don’t even know how one person gets so much stuff into such a small room. I live in a literal shoe box, and it is still packed to the brim. Each year I get more and more clothes along with more and more stuff. It is almost overflowing around me but it’s what makes it home. It makes it mine.

Three of us have lived in this apartment since the building opened. No one has slept in our rooms except us. Someone else is going to move in in August but I will always feel like that was my room. I’ll probably never even see the inside of this place again, but it will always be a part of me. I know other people are going to make memories here and that doesn’t erase mine but that’s how it feels right now. Like everything we did here will just fade away. 501 won’t be our apartment anymore. It will be someone else’s.

Knowing my best friends are states away and not right down the hall makes me want to cry. I know that we can talk every day if that’s what we want but it’s not the same. I want to be able to lay in each other’s beds and talk for as long as we want. I want to watch movies until midnight just because we can. I want to celebrate with my people when school gets closed for extreme weather (we’ve had a lot of those moments surprisingly). I want to celebrate all of life’s milestones with these people. And I know we will, but it will still be different since we don’t live together anymore.

I want to be able to laugh and cry and feel every emotion with my best friends next to me. I’ve been lucky to do it for so long but I’m not ready for it to end. I always hoped I would meet my people in college, and I did. I know exactly who is going to be next to me when I get married and who I’m going to ask to babysit my future kids. I know these people inside and out and they know me. I wouldn’t have survived college without them next to me.

I know I still have a year here, but this feels like the end of an era. It’s a chapter I’m not ready to finish. I know that I have to continue with my life but for now, I’m going to mourn my first apartment. It might be silly, but it was a big part of my life and I can’t describe it to someone who has never experienced it.

“I couldn’t have imagined being any happier, loving anywhere else as much.” – Happy Place by Emily Henry